26 October 2014

The 10 Worst Diet Foods

There are certain foods that diets love to include that have an impact on taste similar to including rat droppings or cat piss in your food:

1. Flax seed Guaranteed to make anything delightful into a chore to eat.

2. Tempeh  A nausea inducing meat substitute.

3. Capers and olives  Little nuggets of yuck.

4. Turmeric drinks  After one sip, you'll never want another.  Rust and water would have about the same color, but would be more tasty.

5. Protein powder  Looks and tastes like chalk, and isn't much more satisfying either.

6. Ricotta cheese  A gooey texture and almost rotting taste and smell that my wife thinks is dessert-like.

7. Turkey burgers and bacon  Turkey has its virtues; a Thanksgiving helping of slices turkey with gravy can be excellent.  But, turkey is not a good substitute for either ground beef or bacon.

8. Eggplant  Purple is a color that belongs on your sweater, not in your grocery basket.  Diets love to substitute eggplant for meat or cheese, a role that it just cannot live up to.  Honestly, there really isn't any role in a human diet that eggplant can live up to.  It is best reserved for pig slop on a farm.

9. Quinoa Imagine bird seed infused with pureed mold and you'll be fairly close to reproducing this diet recipe favorite.

10. Mashed Cauliflower  As a minor salad component, cauliflower has its place.  As a form of imitation mashed potatoes, it is a form of torture.

1 comment:

Dave Barnes said...

I can make you change your mind about turkey burgers.
You have to design it properly.
And, I am a beef burger lover.